WELCOME. READING NOT REQUIRED.

I never thought this day would happen. “What’s the fucking point?” I asked. 

So, I made a website. Wait, let’s try that one more time with feeling.

I made a website!

It’s been a longtime coming and to be honest, I thought I would chicken out again, for the millionth time. 

But here we are. If you’re reading this, I finally mustered the courage to hit, “Publish Your Site.” 

Welcome.

My name is Rocio. Row-sea-oh, for the uninitiated. Rolling your R welcome, but not required.

I’m Mexican-American. I am Mexican AND American AND both AND neither. 

I am a seeker of peace AND a combat veteran. 

I am a combat veteran AND I am still confused about that AND I feel guilty that I am still confused about that.

I am a creative AND a military veteran. 

I am a metalhead AND a professional.

I am a professional AND a person. 

I am a writer AND I am not a writer. 

I am a writer AND your reading is not required. 

This website was the final frontier of my autonomy. Side note, I got into Star Trek at the end of 2020 AND I don't have to be an expert to enjoy the world. Got it? Cool. Thanks. 

I write from my experience. AND I’m sick and fucking tired of explaining, excusing, conditioning, apologizing, and undermining my statements, my words, my feelings, my stories. I still may do it from time to time but when I write about my experience, for example, of growing up Mexican-American in Los Angeles, I fucking KNOW not everyone will understand, or even agree. That’s cool bro. 

I’m so tired. AND I can't let this go. 

“What’s the fucking point?” I ask again. 

The point is not for others to read my story. The point is that they don’t have to AND I choose to write about it anyway. The point is for me to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, and systematically build a routine where I outline, draft, free write, and publish blog posts on my website. So I can redefine my understanding of doing the work. The work being to create, the work being to write, the work being to grow as a person who follows through.

You may be thinking to yourself, “You’re being way defensive from the get go and I haven't done anything. I just came here to read some blog post. And you’re not making it any easier to want to finish reading or want to come back.” 

And yeah, you’re right, but I have to get the fight out there. I have to get it out of ME. I fight as I write this. I fight myself to write. If it shows, it’s because it’s real. AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. It’s not your fault. That’s true. But I have to fight through this. Or I will disappear. And that is why I write. AND if you chose to finish reading after all that, then, I thank you. But always remember...

“Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?”

-”King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles