Moonlight
Written October 2015
Growing up in Los Angeles, I hardly ever looked up to observe the night sky. The city lights, beautiful as they are, drown out just about everything else. No, my appreciation for the moon and the stars came from a much more unexpected place.
After a year in the Marines, I was deployed to Iraq and was given the night shift. One particular night, a month into my deployment, the shift was progressing like any other. I was wearing my worn-in desert cammies, my familiar combat boots, my hair like the day before in a bun, and of course my M-16. Always my M-16. I was walking towards the bathrooms, and as I tried to avoid rolling my ankles on the uneven ground, it was the crispness of my shadow that caught my attention. I was surrounded by a light source I couldn't identify. I thought I'd never known the night to be so bright. Instinctively, I looked up. The moon was full that night.
An overwhelming happiness swept over me I still have trouble putting into words today. I think perhaps it had something to do with my childhood fear of the dark and by extension a fear of the unknown. In that moment, the full moon was telling me there was nothing to fear anymore. I took a complete look around me as if observing my surroundings for the first time. I could clearly make out the shadowy outlines of everything: the combat operations center I had just come from behind me, my housing to the right, the bathrooms up ahead to the left and beyond, the desert. And it wasn’t just the moon I noticed, but the stars too -- they made the night sky look like a diamond-covered velvet blanket. As I continued my walk, I made shadow puppets, enjoying the moonlight as a child would enjoy the spotlight of a flashlight on a blank wall. That was probably the most ridiculous thing I could do but in that moment, I was smiling.
In Los Angeles, you are never too far away from a light switch, or a lamppost, or a neon sign, and in Iraq the darkness felt oppressive. It was a visual reminder of the danger we faced every day. But the moon came in to save me, to watch over me, and tell me that everything was going to be okay. Now every time I am in the desert, I look up for the moon, for its reminder that light can always be found in the darkest of places.
